Don't You Ever Feel Scared?

You're not the same person I used to know.
You're different, something's wrong with you.
Why did you have to change so much? I miss the REAL you."
I'm not the same, because it's been ten years. A lot happens in ten years. Although, to me, nothing's changed. I'm still in the exact same place, same spot, same life, same troubles. Same sorrow. But I also notice all the differences, all the things that change around me. Like a slow motion action scene in a movie; pure insanity that could only be understood if you slow it down for a second. But I don't understand.
Why are you so different?
Don't you ever feel lonely? Scared? Lost? Or are you always happy, always know exactly what to do and where to go? I envy you, if you do. But in my loneliness I found salvation. Within the moonlight. Only I can know, or see. I talk to the stars and we share stories. Tales of lives we watch as they wonder passed. Will I ever be a story? An ocean of tales, rumors, gossip, and the occasional truth?
I'd have to leave to be anything but nothing.
You used to smile.
That was when I didn't know you. Not I do. And I'll only leave.

But in the end...we're all just a story someone else told.

In Another Life

Sometimes I lay awake in the cold of the night, thinking of you. Not that I miss you, not I'm crying over you. I just begin to wonder. Forever my heart will be ina thousand lost pieces, too small to pick up and place back. The tragedy was you. But still...
I love you dearly.

In another life, a different time, we took that leap of faith and love. I ran away with you. We walk the beach at night, watching the stars fall around us, breathing in the oceans voice. We kiss at every moment, I hold your hand within mine, and never let go. I wake up, walk to the kitchen in your shirt, make my coffee and wake you with a gentle kiss. We share our morning grumbles and kiss in the shower, afraid that soon we will part for the next few hours. Our life is perfect. For an ordinary girl.
Yet, I never was, and neverwill be...ordinary.
I wake alone.I shy away from the sun at time. I curse the blessed life of love and complacency. I strive to be heard, and someday, soon, the whole world shall hear my voice, feel my pain, cry in happiness with me. I strive to be heard, when really...
I WANT to be loved.
In another life, I made you mine. But here, I'll whisper to your ghost and be on my way.

A Distant Cage

I'm sitting in this twisted metal cage, I've made it myself. The promises I always make, yet I'm always the let down. Lost. Yet, I never move. I've been standing here for years, no where near where I should be. The past isn't even a faded memory, but a story that I don't quite remember.
I'm just as scared as you, just as scarred as him. I've been falling, slowly, but for a long ways.
I painted these metal walls to match your eyes. They sing with your voice, but I can't understand what you're saying anymore. I can see you speaking, but all I hear is your lack of a heart beat. Remember when we used to shine? Or was I dreaming?

A dream is just the true story, embellished with details to make it more worthy. I've been believing those stories were really; memories? But they're just thoughts of what used to be, made to sound like what I used to want. I don't really know where that's supposed to lead. But so far, this dead end goes on forever.
I may be nothing more that the ghost of a girl, just a broken soul, but I'm as real as it gets. If you see my tears, I'm hurt. If you see me smile...
Well then I guess it was worth it. As much as I'd like to say I've learned a lot, I really haven't. I just learned the truth to a bed of lies in which I've been laying my whole life. As much as I want to believe that I belong here, I can't seem to explain what I'm doing here.

So I'll sit, perched upon piano keys, their melody will tell someone, someday, my true story, no embellishments, no lies, just
ME.
Perch inside my little cage I've grown quite fond of. But someday...
I'd like to know what it's like to fly. Instead of always falling.

A Freak or Just the Truth

It's a long way away, but I'm starting to slow down. Need a push, a voice, or even a touch, to make it passed. I spend a lot of the day watching the faces of all the puppets, dancing on their strings until they break. They lie motionless on the grass. But no one pays any mind to the fallen. Just kept on going. Where as I stop and stare, maybe even shed a tear. I wish them a long goodbye. Then I'm on my way. I spend the nights watching the stars as the fly across the sky. They say you make a wish when you see one fall, but I can only frown, give a moment of silence, as I see the other stars mourn their fallen friend.

I'll stay silent for a while. Because I'm just tired of screaming. Too tired to sleep, even. Just watching. Waiting. For what, I'm still not sure.

It seems my steps are so much more slow then those around me, always running, chasing their dreams, their loves. I just stroll passed the broken hearted, the lonely, the dieing; the only ones that share my pace. But I'm not much like them. I've never lost a lover, never felt the rain of losing everything. All I know is the loss of life, the lonely nights of wondering just where should I be going? Yet, they are the only ones who are happy to see me. The puppets simply stare, whisper their own little jokes, and laugh as I walk by. Those whispered words would cut my like a blade, but I've taught myself to not care. Unfortunately, it was my own demise I taught myself. Forever walking in the broken promise land, while those marionettes dace to impress someone, anyone. Changing their face to see which one works best. I'm just...
Me. That's where we differ so much. I walk my own way, my own path. I sing my own melodies. I tear away all masks so that you may see just
Me.
Still I watch in envy. I only wish I could be content with being someone I'm not, someone I'll never actually be. Like an actress in the spotlight. You never know what she's really thinking, just what she's showing. A priceless picture.
But I can't do that.
So what does that make me?

Like Glass

I'm just as breakable as the rest. just as cracked as anyone else with the same blackness in their eyes. I feel just as low as the ocean floor, forgotten about and unknown. But you'll never see me bleed. It's you that gave me my scars, but I hold them dear. Because no matter how many I collect, I'm still going to clean up the mess, pick up the pieces, and stand taller each time you break me down. I'm the most powerful girl I know. I was built that way. By a mother with the brightest colors of all the stars, all the flowers on a bright spring day. By a grandmother who showed me the world has so much more beauty in all the smallest, hidden places. By a father who taught me life has so much more for me than what I can see from my back porch. From a brother who knows me better than anyone, without knowing that much about me at all. But he always knows who -I- am.
I've been around, I see the lives others lead, the voices they hold dear, the eyes they search for, always waiting for something. I always wonder what they're waiting for. I think if they went looking, instead of waiting, they would find everything. But I can't really say much, I never leave my own world. It gets dark, but I won't let that show to you.
Though I know you'll never see these words, never hear my screams to you, never even care, I feel the need to tell empty space what I wish you would listen to. You may know just how to bring me down, you may know how to rip my heart into thousands of pieces, but I will never give you the pleasure of seeing me die.
You make it hard for me to love. You make it hard for me to let myself go. You control me. I can admit. But I know you'll never notice. You'd have to remember my name to see that. If I could let you go. If I could take these pieces and walk along my lonely road, I could. And never look back. But I'd have to miss out on seeing you fall apart when you see me from my place, up high, on top of the world, in love and in the sun. We'll see how well you like to be shattered, like a pane of glass.

The Girl In The Field

I see her almost every night
In a spot of moonlight
Maybe in a field or even in my arms
I hold her tight
She never speaks
Or when she does, you know she keeps
A deadly secret all to herself
She'll never let it go

She seems so beautiful
Black hair and opalescent skin
She'll keep me company any day, any night
But there's something missing

I ask one day, might she lay with me
Her eyes grow wide as she agrees
I ask for her story
But as always she'll avoid me
Her beauty is much too grand to keep it hidden
I want her to meet all my friends
Her face runs cold and her voice so still
"Let me tell you a story,

They won't see me as you do
They won't understand our friendship as I do
There was a girl, who never knew of love
She spent all her time alone
She never wanted it be like this
But she knew she wouldn't be missed
I left it all behind, where I once lived
Where I was a kid
Now, to anyone, at most
I'm just a ghost."

The Eccedentesiast

Wait
I think they're looking
Make sure that light is shinning
I have a smile to ease the soul
Warm any cold
You say it's genuine.
But I know it's fading
I can only hold it there for so long
Before the light is finally gone

I know just where to hide
To keep my secrets alive
You'll never see that happiness die
For in the shadows, my loneliness hides
Sometimes I forget
And let a little heartache slip
But I'll save it quick
With explanation "I'm just feeling sick"
You'll believe
They always do
And when I walk away
You won't think twice

In the night, it's all too real
No more painted masks
No more calculated laughs
Just the moon and all it's broken pieces
At last
I'm just The Eccedentesiast

Walk Alone

I won't cry for you, like I always did before. My eyes have run dry these days. Although I walk around and my face tells you I just don't care, I'm really just...
Broken
Have you ever been so broken, you don't know how to feel anymore? Shattered one too many times that it's not even worth picking up the pieces? If I stare at the moon long enough, the rest of the world fades away, and I start to feel okay. But when I let the day, the nights fall back in, I feel myself run cold again. Forever alone.
In a room, always in a room, full of voices, beautiful people, that I do so love...I am alone. I'm just lost in my own mind, wondering through this desert night, spotted with trees like skeletons. Nothing more, nothing less. I just wonder. Waiting to find something.
Anything.
In this desert, though, there is a lone wolf, who follows my short foot steps. I now walk gladly beside her, black as night, eyes of ice blue. We've grown so close. When she's out of sight, I somehow know she still wonders in this place. The same broken earth, under the same pale moonlight. And when we cross again, it seems much warmer. We climb the trees, we rake the sand into intricate patterns. Even smile. Although I feel alone, she does too, and we can see it in each other. We never speak of it. We just...
know.
When I stop to rest, I can hear her howls in the air, a painful reminder that she's just as broken as I am. I would give anything to help her find her way home, but in the end I know
Neither of us know where home is. Sometimes I don't want to know. Sometimes I like this hollow desert. I feel it's all I have. She's all I have. A lone wolf. But, my dearest friend, you're not alone. No matter how far away I wonder. We always end up back at the same dark tree stump, watching the cracks grow.
The world can see us in the daylight, a smile on our face, miles away from each other, but what no one really knows, until now, is that, even as we talk to you, as we laugh and play, we're still in the same, cold, dark, shadow-filled desert wondering alone.
Broken and lost we may be, but I'll always have her, and she'll always have me.
Just a ghost
And a shell of a girl you used to know.
We walk alone.

How

How dare you? How dare you bring me back to those thoughts, those feelings? How dare you come back here looking for love? You think it's funny? This is not a game, not a contest of who can break who more. Trust, if it was, you would win far sooner than I could ever even try.
I would give my life for you, I would have dropped everything in my life to bring a smile to your world. Anything. I still would. But I know, you would simply watch me die, you wouldn't walk two miles for me, wouldn't give me a second glance. Until the rest of the world turns it's back on you, knowing you to be the black-hearted killer that you are. It's only then that your voice falls to me, to pick you up, tell you your worth it, tell you all the little things that you want to hear. And I fall for it every time.
But how dare you use that against me? How dare you!? What were you thinking when those words left your lips? Do you even know, that you're the reason my heart can never heal, can never love another the way it fell for you? Do you just collect hearts, in your own little world where you're the only one anyone will ever need? Until that moment comes where there's a crack in your bubble, calling to me to fix it right up. And I always do. But each time I mend your world, I'm always the one left on the outside. Do you know it's cold out here? Do you know how lonely it can be with nothing here, watching you smile and capture those other girls with your lies and beautiful blue eyes? Do you even care that each time, I bleed a little longer? That it hurts so much more every time I fix you? But I do it anyway, because knowing your happy was worth it before. But not today. Today you've shown me what I've been questioning for so long. I've bled for so many years now, I've grown used to the cold. Did you know?
That you're the reason that I'm a ghost?

No. And you never will, as I fade outside of your world. But what happens when I can't fix it anymore? You'll see quickly that I really was SOMETHING to you.
Forever just a ghost. I will always be.
How dare you be the one to kill me? Don't you know I have so much to live for, so many people to love, to laugh with? Why would you take my life when I spend so much of myself to keep you alive?
How could you?
Because you don't care.
But I'll always love you. Until you truly cause me to fade away for good.

The Waiting Game

I never really search for the touch of someone. I always wait for it. Sitting in a dress I've made for you, my make-up on just right to make my face shine just the way I want it to.
But I've been waiting for so long, that dress is faded, my make-up is worn off, streaked from the occasional tears and walk slowly down my face. I shift in this chair uncomfortably, but I never move. I wait. For you.
Although I have seen you here. You've walked by several times. You hand me a glance, just once, maybe even twice if I'm lucky. And that's just enough to make me continue waiting. If you had never given me that look, that slight cracked smile, I might have been able to stand up, and walk away. Find a brighter starlight.
But your eyes are just so brilliant, that I MUST see them again. And what if you actually stop this time? What if you actually came looking and I wasn't here anymore? What if you're just waiting for the right time to take me away? I have to stay here.
And wait.
For how long? I don't know. But with each day that I stare into this empty space, my heart loses another beat. One day, if I still watch the same scene, breath this same air, I just might fade away. And when you do finally come for me, I'll be heartless, dead to you. Eyes black, skin cold. I won't be the girl you knew. So take your time, keep me here with your slight glances, your cracked smile that puts the idea in my mind that, maybe that smile was for me. Keep me in your trap.
Maybe someday, when I just can't stand the lonely days, the screaming nights, I'll walk away. I'll stand from this chair and leave this world. But then I won't have the chance of seeing that smile just
one
more
time.

Fallen

I watch you from my window pane, sitting atop your roof, like a the fallen angel you are. When the wind carries just right, I can hear you sing, such a sad song. But I understand the words all too well. I know that if i spoke to you, we could find that we are too much alike. We could sit among the stars and steal away the moon. The darkness will keep us from the eyes of the world.
I sit here every night, watching you, watching the lights. I wonder if you'll ever jump. I'm sure you've thought it once or twice, but falling once if well enough for you.

I never see you around. Only in the night air can I see you're still there. Holding me close to your sorrow, I can only think of how much it hurts to break the silence. I just want to know;
Do you see me too?
Or am I still, nothing but a ghost.

My Tragedy

No, I won't fall. but if I do, yours will be the last name I call. It's sad to feel like you're still all I ever had, when you've never been here. It's been a long day, a long year. And there's nothing to show for it.
I used to think I had you to show for it, but what happens when that reason to shine fades away, or was never really there? I'm sorry that I ever knew what your voice sounded like. Now, I can't really remember, maybe that's for the best.
I wonder what happened to you, so far away. I wish I wasn't always alone, but I've kept myself that way for so long, that warmth frightens me. So I continue to walk in the shadows where it's still safe, it's quiet here.
No, I won't swear to you anything that I have running through my mind. I won't waste a single word on where I might be. I'm here and that's all you need to know. It's not like me to show where I'm going, but I'll draw for anyone where I've been. Simply because it's so simple. Just a few lines, a few tears, a lot of laughs, and a lot of dark.
I'm lacking the information to tell the world that I'll grow up someday.
You're just a tragedy, kept in the dark. I'll use a candle to keep you away. You might be surprise to see that I'll do just fine. I do cry, for all the things I can't imagine. Anyone would. But I also laugh for all the things that I'll never know. Or at least that's what you'll see.
No, I won't fall. I won't call or even write your name on paper. When you decided I wasn't worth the sun, that's when I faded
To the shadow of a ghost.
Someday, I'll grow up
And I won't let you run my life.
You're my reason to die. So, today, I leave you behind.
Goodnight, my Tragedy.

Early Morning Skies

The taller I become, the harder it seems to stand on my own two feet. Blame it on everything but yourself, right? Not my fault I can't find my way out. I can't change who I am. And I won't try. Being without you makes me feel real again. (I'm only lying.)

What can I do? Sit around and wait for you, when I know you'll never come? never smile on my behalf. I hold a guilt of letting you go. Like I should have tried much harder to keep you near me. When all in all, you were never here to begin with. I walk alone.
I watch the sky and wonder who I really am. I'm lost in my own world, but I kind of like it that way. Everyone knows me there. They smile when I wave. They hold dear my thoughts as if they were the secrets of life. I just want to be somebody. Not you, not her, not them. Just...someone. I love an empty space where there used to be love. Or was it never there? I'll never know. I walk alone.
I see your face every day, in all I do. But this time. i won't chase. I'll walk away. You don't control me anymore.
(I'm only lying.)

Same Thing, Different Melody

A new house isn't so bad. It's the loneliness that hurts. i shouldn't be lonely. I have everything. Well, almost everything. more than I deserve, that's for sure. but I feel a familiar feeling that my mind always comes back to;
Like a Ghost.
I wonder how I'll feel when I'm actually a ghost. Will I feel alive? Or just the same. I feel unseen and unwanted. Lost, forgotten. I know I'm not. But my heart must not understand. It still breaks so easily. It's no one's fault but my own. It's a life I've chosen. I could change it if I found a way, but I'm not looking for a way out. I just sit. And watch the shadows on the wall. Watch the world around me spin and freely frolic the world. But I do not a think to get my feet off the ground. Why? When that's really all I want.
I want to fly away. A ghost can fly, can't they?
I can't keep pretending. So here it is;
I'm lost. I'm gone.
I'm just a ghost.

I do dream. I just never go after it. Stop dreaming, start doing.

The Waiting Room

It's silent, almost dead. Empty and hollow. Seems like I've been here for a million years, stuck in a repeat of waiting. It's always waiting for bad news. I never wait for the good to fly it's way to my ears. I tend to leave it behind. I've been here, in this same room before. Waiting on you. Waiting for your voice, but the difference this time;
It stays silent.
Should I still wait? What if you come out and I'm not here? What if you're waiting for me? All this time, as I sit in this small blue chair, listening to the sirens like a music box, winding up every few minutes to play again. Yet it seems silent.
I wanted to save you from the dark, but you would never give to me your hand to follow. I brought the sun to you once, but you turned away to play with the moonlight. As beautiful as the moon can be, it's loneliness in it's true form. Too slow to play with the stars, shut out of all the games, all the laughs. But you refused to leave.
I'd give up this life to see you smile just once. You used to. All the time. And it was beautiful. But now it's just....
A waiting game.
The doctor comes in now and again to tell me it's fine. But I won't believe it until I see you; hear you again. You've been so quiet for so long, it's almost deadly. I just want to hear your laugh.

I've spent a lot of time in the waiting room of a hospital. Each time, it's not like I'm waiting for bad news. Because I know that's what I'll get. So I always watch the walls, watch the people around me, listen to their stories. And wait for you. Someday, I know, I won't be waiting anymore. Either you, or I, will no longer be coming back from that back room.
Why can't I just enjoy the light instead of waiting for the darkness? My walk has slowed, my eyes grow dim. And I am forever left
Waiting.
For you to bring back the brightness in my eyes, or for the storm to take it all away for good.
Just...
Waiting.

The Color Red

I'll paint you a new shade. The color red. Sheer and mislead. The color of the hopeless dreamer, ruler of the imagination. It'll let the others know, just who you really are. Where they can find your heart. In a world of wild fantasies, of a place much like this, only opposite.

I watch you mend your heart, at the beginning of each new start. I watch it bleed from your hands every time you've broken it again. I see the sparkle of the tears that race against your cheek, warm and full of all the things you hate. Yet still, you refuse to walk away.
I admire that about you. You still think there's a reason for this life, a blue sky behind all the clouds, all the rain. And even with nothing but shame, you can always find a reason to love. A reason to get up, dust your wings off and fly again. For what?
No one really understands. Including you. You have no idea, and it's starting to show. Your laugh is softer, your eyes, more dull then before. You're starting t sink and the rope is getting weak. Still, you're holding on to your failed romantics and dreams of long-lasting love, as you're heart drains, losing all it's blood. Weak and weary, you sit alone, refuse to speak. And in the mirror I stay watching, wishing you could see. That you're getting faded, long faced and jaded. And as I watch the diamonds appear for one last time, reflecting in your eyes, I wait to see if you'll pick up the pieces one
last
time.
Pick yourself up, Doctor, you've got work to do.
It's not time to retire; It's time to Inspire.

Roses and Spiderwebs

Can't scratch it away, can't fight it away. Let's run with it, see where it can take us. Everything has a right and wrong. It's what you do with the wrong that could make or break the right. We could be halfway to nowhere, and never know it. But let's enjoy it, instead of fear it, like the shine of a spiderweb, enough to give you chills, but you can always just push through. Even if it means the chance of getting bitten.
There's no need to tell anyone. Just before daybreak, we'll take it in our own hands. Find that rose hiding in the woods, beyond the cries, the screams, the shivers that tag along with the ride. No one is left to stop you, don't look back, you're safe now. As long as you stay with me. I'll keep you here. Live, and let me die for you, if I have to.
Whatever the end, the story will play out like the greatest movie you ever could see. Better than the imagination that created the world you're in right now. It's full of shadows, so shine your smile and brighten the day. There's nothing to hide, no where left to hide. No need to hide. Just a need to find.
Find everything.
That small chance, even if it grows, of getting bitten is always worth seeing what's on the other side of your eyes.
You love to breathe anything with life. To fill the thought of losing what you have. So lock it away. Get on that plane. Let's fly to anywhere the sun can shine. Even in the darkness, the light will always bring you "home".
You have two choices;
Take the path that's full of ordinary roses, blooming in the sunlight. Or take the road that's covered in spiderwebs. One Guarantees a minor beauty, but it gets old and you're left wondering. One gives you the creeps, but if you can get past it, what lies behind could blow your mind, never leave you wondering, always filled with surprises.
Take your first step. And I'll see you on the other side.

Smile On The Outside

Have you ever just played some music, closed your eyes, and let the song capture you? The notes spinning softly around your body, lifting you into the night sky, away from everything. I only wanted to feel wanted. I only wanted to be known, not forgotten. Now I've gotten myself into a sick place and I can't find the exit. So if you could please point me to the door, I'll just be on my way. Although, I know you couldn't even if you wanted to.
I fear only myself in this life. I am all that holds me from all I dream of, all I wish for. Wishes are for the children watching sappy Disney movies. As I've grown, I wish no more, I have to make it happen myself. And yet...I don't. I blame no one but my own thoughts. Selfish as I may be at times, I'm good at hiding it from my loved ones.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I think of you. What would it be like to go to sleep every night, not knowing if your eyes would open to daylight, or the light of God welcoming you to a place unknown? You were so strong. I know you didn't sleep well. I could hear it from my resting place on the tiny couch right outside your bedroom door. I heard the sounds of pain, but if it fell silent, it hurt so much more. A fear I realize rather quickly. Yet, you never forced yourself to be awake in the nights. You always dreamt, and you always held onto your wishes.
I wish you were here, so I could ask you, I could understand so much more. You could help me. I could help you. Even though we all know how helpless I am. Hopeless and fallen. And I've been lying here for far too long, please pick me up. Carry me somewhere; Anywhere. But you'll never be mine. not again. I had my chance. for 20 years. And I did nothing.
I only wanted to be something, be someone, now I fear I'm just a ghost, waking every night from what seems to be my certain death, I can't see if I'm alive or just stuck here to watch the world spin around. Am I a ghost? It's harder and harder to tell.
I really can't breath without you, for if I do try, I drown. I want to be in love with my soul. And I am. I have so much to show. But I get so lost in my thoughts, in my constant confusion that I forget to tell you, forget to show you; Therefore forgotten I should be.
I can say it a million times, in a million different ways, but I'll never truly believe that I can show the world my star. The one I carry in my pocket waiting to shine and blind the world with so much beauty. I have it. I do. I just forget to show it to you. A ghost doesn't need a star. But I'm not dead yet, I promise you. I think I'm alive. Right? You wouldn't know me if I were not...right?

I must be dead, surly there was no way to pull through such things.
It's just a dream, Doctor Benzedrine, like your name, a dream is something everyone longs for, a night full of rest. But it's the rest I dread. I just want to sleep, without the confusion.
Hold me (Don't touch me, please.) Stay the night and lay with me. (If you're there, you might kill me. Don't stay. Please go.) Be there while I weep. (I don't cry anymore. he says I'm not aloud to cry.....he's not real....but I still fear. Let's fake a smile instead.)
"I'm about to lose my mind. I need a doctor, call me a doctor, to bring me back to life."

Rumored Nights

Moving silently, the fly as fast as they can. The words are filling the air and everyone starts to notice. Your eyes are a little darker than they used to be. Maybe they're hiding something sweet? It's a sour glace at the thought of them all knowing just what you've packed away all these hours, these days in the night. Holding close to nothing but your thought of running this town.
We all have out secrets. Our life's blood, held in the rumored nights, quiet whispers, no one knows if they're real. It could be a lie. Right where they need it most.
I can't seem to notice the direction I should be heading, but I'll walk this road in hopes of something. It's a much different place then when I was younger. This road I've walked a thousand times, past the flowers, now withered, through the fields or green, now faded to a dead gray and brown. Like it never lived before. It's always been so dreary. There was a time, I don't remember. Maybe it was just a rumor. Did you here? She's gone insane. Left her mind to the wind.
I'll keep this to myself, but I'll always remember your eyes. The love, the light, that seemed to die with you. Like the world's shine was only from you. But I hear it's nice up North. I heard a rumor she was walking away.
I think you might still be home. But in the night,
It's only a rumor.

The Black Stitch of a Secret

Jump off that golden bird that has you flying high and watch the ground. It's a comfortable place, if you learn to like it. Before you throw yourself away, taste the salt that's formed in your words, the hollow truths that won't come back to your mind. You've been high too long, your mind can't think for itself anymore. It's all a cloud of secrets, a gaping hole in your chest. Let the sun stitch you up, bring you back to warmth. There are a lot of faces who miss that beautiful smile, the one your hold always, up in the stars, in the cold blackness of the night. A kiss upon your cheek can feel so wrong, when you refuse to let yourself go.
Step down from the edge, back to good.

I don't want to do this anymore, I want feel your eyes again.

But you'll never feel our gaze when we have to look so far away to see yours. Your love can't remember your face, a stranger to this game. You've become a fairytale, with no happy ending. Going down in flames, it won't hurt that bad if you have a place to land. A place to shine without the stars help.
The stars in your eyes are much more beautiful anyway.
I know you've felt alone, up there in the clouds, but we're all here waiting. To bring you back to life.
You just have to make that jump. And let yourself fall.

We're going down together, and it's not so bad.

Runaway Train

I hold so close to what's already gone. So many times, I've walked into a world where nothing lives, nothing moves. It's like I'm stand on a train, moving faster than my thoughts could ever catch. I stand, watch everyone fly by, laughing, loving, shining like the sun. No matter how far I reach, how hard I scream, no one sees, no one hears, and I just can't feel you anymore. I'm reaching into nothing, hoping for everything. Yet all the colors still trace by me, leaving me black and white. The shades of gray keeping the air so cold. Like a rainy day in winter, it's nothing special, nothing sane. I run as fast as I can, but the train moves much quicker, leaving me in the same spot. If I move backwards, the colors darken and I'm left in the shadows. The trees reach to the sky, like a skeleton reaching for hope. A new light. But judging by the decay, it never came. Will that me me? Frozen, reaching for everyone who knows where to go? When I see nowhere to go? I can't breath without the sun, but I'm drowning in the rain. I can still see the light in your eyes, but you'll never find mine. Hidden by the fears and confusion, all you see is a cold hearted soul. I never was, and never will be, the girl you thought I was. But I'm still worth a glance, if you'd help this train stop. I want to get off, I think this is my stop. In what seems a slow motion, I see you look back at me, you smile, you reach to me, then it all floods away. Like the rain, washes by in a stream of nothing that I can comprehend. If I could just hold on a little longer, you'll wait for me. Right?
Or maybe I'm just forever lost, running for a chance to see the blues, the greens, the reds and browns. The sun. The beauty I know is there. If I could just run faster. If I could just reach a little farther. I could see your face and we could laugh again.

Each morning, step out the door, like a ghost, into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white.
I did this to myself.
And I plan on fixing it myself. Give me a chance to give you something to believe in. I'll run.
Run away.
And find my place.
This is MY time.

It's Almost Like A Disease

Sit and wait. A fool for life. I can't shake you off. No matter how much time goes through my years, it's still the knife that keeps me bleeding. Even when you make it clear I'll never be what you are to me. I still can't seem to just turn away. You're eyes keep me lost in my own world.
My mind stays in an ever spinning state of confusion. A lost soul, in a world of self-glorying actions, I always keep mine to some how catch your attention. Though it never seems successful, I'll never stop trying to catch your eye. I only remember when I had you're thoughts to hold, now remaining in their place is the ice cold of loneliness. And I fear
I know
This is how it will remain, for the rest of my days. I'll move but I'll never move on. I was easy to leave, but you'll always have me.
You left my heart on the sidewalk of a broken street. I can't take it back, because I won't. You'll be over this, I'll lay underneath it's grave. Why?
I don't know.
I just....
Don't know...

Kissing You Goodbye

I'm sliding slightly farther from you, but your warmth can still sting the tiny corners of my mind. I choose to look you in the eyes, but you'll never look through mine. I can't explain it enough. You're just not the same anymore.

You were beautiful. I don't know where that died, but the blood is on your hands now, I'm washing myself clean of this mess. You've left me wandering into a room I never knew. Hoping I would lose my way, you clearly don't know me well enough. I can find my place again, a new name you'll never find one quite like mine. But I'll walk away, like you've won this game. Because in a way....
You did.

I let you tear me down, shatter my very heart, my hair, my eyes, they have no light. Or rather, no...
Shadows.
I gave myself to you, in ever sense of a word, and what in return? I asked for nothing. And that's exactly what you gave me. In a silent state, I'll remember your name, but that ring, that sound, that music, it doesn't play anymore. Not like it did then. In such a short time, in such a long life, you've twisted the rope one too many times, and now I'm breaking free.

You knew all the tricks that no one could find. But Karma is a love that's been on my side. She soars close to my soul, beside me, but I'll never wish it upon you.
No.

I'll build myself strong this time. I won't let you cry, still to this day and on. I'll never let you fall, although you only laughed as I burned. I'll never show you the pain I've felt. So for the last time.
I'm kissing you
Goodbye.

"You almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
you almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it

a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the

inside
so I could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you

trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that."