Don't You Ever Feel Scared?

You're not the same person I used to know.
You're different, something's wrong with you.
Why did you have to change so much? I miss the REAL you."
I'm not the same, because it's been ten years. A lot happens in ten years. Although, to me, nothing's changed. I'm still in the exact same place, same spot, same life, same troubles. Same sorrow. But I also notice all the differences, all the things that change around me. Like a slow motion action scene in a movie; pure insanity that could only be understood if you slow it down for a second. But I don't understand.
Why are you so different?
Don't you ever feel lonely? Scared? Lost? Or are you always happy, always know exactly what to do and where to go? I envy you, if you do. But in my loneliness I found salvation. Within the moonlight. Only I can know, or see. I talk to the stars and we share stories. Tales of lives we watch as they wonder passed. Will I ever be a story? An ocean of tales, rumors, gossip, and the occasional truth?
I'd have to leave to be anything but nothing.
You used to smile.
That was when I didn't know you. Not I do. And I'll only leave.

But in the end...we're all just a story someone else told.

In Another Life

Sometimes I lay awake in the cold of the night, thinking of you. Not that I miss you, not I'm crying over you. I just begin to wonder. Forever my heart will be ina thousand lost pieces, too small to pick up and place back. The tragedy was you. But still...
I love you dearly.

In another life, a different time, we took that leap of faith and love. I ran away with you. We walk the beach at night, watching the stars fall around us, breathing in the oceans voice. We kiss at every moment, I hold your hand within mine, and never let go. I wake up, walk to the kitchen in your shirt, make my coffee and wake you with a gentle kiss. We share our morning grumbles and kiss in the shower, afraid that soon we will part for the next few hours. Our life is perfect. For an ordinary girl.
Yet, I never was, and neverwill be...ordinary.
I wake alone.I shy away from the sun at time. I curse the blessed life of love and complacency. I strive to be heard, and someday, soon, the whole world shall hear my voice, feel my pain, cry in happiness with me. I strive to be heard, when really...
I WANT to be loved.
In another life, I made you mine. But here, I'll whisper to your ghost and be on my way.

A Distant Cage

I'm sitting in this twisted metal cage, I've made it myself. The promises I always make, yet I'm always the let down. Lost. Yet, I never move. I've been standing here for years, no where near where I should be. The past isn't even a faded memory, but a story that I don't quite remember.
I'm just as scared as you, just as scarred as him. I've been falling, slowly, but for a long ways.
I painted these metal walls to match your eyes. They sing with your voice, but I can't understand what you're saying anymore. I can see you speaking, but all I hear is your lack of a heart beat. Remember when we used to shine? Or was I dreaming?

A dream is just the true story, embellished with details to make it more worthy. I've been believing those stories were really; memories? But they're just thoughts of what used to be, made to sound like what I used to want. I don't really know where that's supposed to lead. But so far, this dead end goes on forever.
I may be nothing more that the ghost of a girl, just a broken soul, but I'm as real as it gets. If you see my tears, I'm hurt. If you see me smile...
Well then I guess it was worth it. As much as I'd like to say I've learned a lot, I really haven't. I just learned the truth to a bed of lies in which I've been laying my whole life. As much as I want to believe that I belong here, I can't seem to explain what I'm doing here.

So I'll sit, perched upon piano keys, their melody will tell someone, someday, my true story, no embellishments, no lies, just
ME.
Perch inside my little cage I've grown quite fond of. But someday...
I'd like to know what it's like to fly. Instead of always falling.

A Freak or Just the Truth

It's a long way away, but I'm starting to slow down. Need a push, a voice, or even a touch, to make it passed. I spend a lot of the day watching the faces of all the puppets, dancing on their strings until they break. They lie motionless on the grass. But no one pays any mind to the fallen. Just kept on going. Where as I stop and stare, maybe even shed a tear. I wish them a long goodbye. Then I'm on my way. I spend the nights watching the stars as the fly across the sky. They say you make a wish when you see one fall, but I can only frown, give a moment of silence, as I see the other stars mourn their fallen friend.

I'll stay silent for a while. Because I'm just tired of screaming. Too tired to sleep, even. Just watching. Waiting. For what, I'm still not sure.

It seems my steps are so much more slow then those around me, always running, chasing their dreams, their loves. I just stroll passed the broken hearted, the lonely, the dieing; the only ones that share my pace. But I'm not much like them. I've never lost a lover, never felt the rain of losing everything. All I know is the loss of life, the lonely nights of wondering just where should I be going? Yet, they are the only ones who are happy to see me. The puppets simply stare, whisper their own little jokes, and laugh as I walk by. Those whispered words would cut my like a blade, but I've taught myself to not care. Unfortunately, it was my own demise I taught myself. Forever walking in the broken promise land, while those marionettes dace to impress someone, anyone. Changing their face to see which one works best. I'm just...
Me. That's where we differ so much. I walk my own way, my own path. I sing my own melodies. I tear away all masks so that you may see just
Me.
Still I watch in envy. I only wish I could be content with being someone I'm not, someone I'll never actually be. Like an actress in the spotlight. You never know what she's really thinking, just what she's showing. A priceless picture.
But I can't do that.
So what does that make me?

Like Glass

I'm just as breakable as the rest. just as cracked as anyone else with the same blackness in their eyes. I feel just as low as the ocean floor, forgotten about and unknown. But you'll never see me bleed. It's you that gave me my scars, but I hold them dear. Because no matter how many I collect, I'm still going to clean up the mess, pick up the pieces, and stand taller each time you break me down. I'm the most powerful girl I know. I was built that way. By a mother with the brightest colors of all the stars, all the flowers on a bright spring day. By a grandmother who showed me the world has so much more beauty in all the smallest, hidden places. By a father who taught me life has so much more for me than what I can see from my back porch. From a brother who knows me better than anyone, without knowing that much about me at all. But he always knows who -I- am.
I've been around, I see the lives others lead, the voices they hold dear, the eyes they search for, always waiting for something. I always wonder what they're waiting for. I think if they went looking, instead of waiting, they would find everything. But I can't really say much, I never leave my own world. It gets dark, but I won't let that show to you.
Though I know you'll never see these words, never hear my screams to you, never even care, I feel the need to tell empty space what I wish you would listen to. You may know just how to bring me down, you may know how to rip my heart into thousands of pieces, but I will never give you the pleasure of seeing me die.
You make it hard for me to love. You make it hard for me to let myself go. You control me. I can admit. But I know you'll never notice. You'd have to remember my name to see that. If I could let you go. If I could take these pieces and walk along my lonely road, I could. And never look back. But I'd have to miss out on seeing you fall apart when you see me from my place, up high, on top of the world, in love and in the sun. We'll see how well you like to be shattered, like a pane of glass.

The Girl In The Field

I see her almost every night
In a spot of moonlight
Maybe in a field or even in my arms
I hold her tight
She never speaks
Or when she does, you know she keeps
A deadly secret all to herself
She'll never let it go

She seems so beautiful
Black hair and opalescent skin
She'll keep me company any day, any night
But there's something missing

I ask one day, might she lay with me
Her eyes grow wide as she agrees
I ask for her story
But as always she'll avoid me
Her beauty is much too grand to keep it hidden
I want her to meet all my friends
Her face runs cold and her voice so still
"Let me tell you a story,

They won't see me as you do
They won't understand our friendship as I do
There was a girl, who never knew of love
She spent all her time alone
She never wanted it be like this
But she knew she wouldn't be missed
I left it all behind, where I once lived
Where I was a kid
Now, to anyone, at most
I'm just a ghost."

The Eccedentesiast

Wait
I think they're looking
Make sure that light is shinning
I have a smile to ease the soul
Warm any cold
You say it's genuine.
But I know it's fading
I can only hold it there for so long
Before the light is finally gone

I know just where to hide
To keep my secrets alive
You'll never see that happiness die
For in the shadows, my loneliness hides
Sometimes I forget
And let a little heartache slip
But I'll save it quick
With explanation "I'm just feeling sick"
You'll believe
They always do
And when I walk away
You won't think twice

In the night, it's all too real
No more painted masks
No more calculated laughs
Just the moon and all it's broken pieces
At last
I'm just The Eccedentesiast