Runaway Train

I hold so close to what's already gone. So many times, I've walked into a world where nothing lives, nothing moves. It's like I'm stand on a train, moving faster than my thoughts could ever catch. I stand, watch everyone fly by, laughing, loving, shining like the sun. No matter how far I reach, how hard I scream, no one sees, no one hears, and I just can't feel you anymore. I'm reaching into nothing, hoping for everything. Yet all the colors still trace by me, leaving me black and white. The shades of gray keeping the air so cold. Like a rainy day in winter, it's nothing special, nothing sane. I run as fast as I can, but the train moves much quicker, leaving me in the same spot. If I move backwards, the colors darken and I'm left in the shadows. The trees reach to the sky, like a skeleton reaching for hope. A new light. But judging by the decay, it never came. Will that me me? Frozen, reaching for everyone who knows where to go? When I see nowhere to go? I can't breath without the sun, but I'm drowning in the rain. I can still see the light in your eyes, but you'll never find mine. Hidden by the fears and confusion, all you see is a cold hearted soul. I never was, and never will be, the girl you thought I was. But I'm still worth a glance, if you'd help this train stop. I want to get off, I think this is my stop. In what seems a slow motion, I see you look back at me, you smile, you reach to me, then it all floods away. Like the rain, washes by in a stream of nothing that I can comprehend. If I could just hold on a little longer, you'll wait for me. Right?
Or maybe I'm just forever lost, running for a chance to see the blues, the greens, the reds and browns. The sun. The beauty I know is there. If I could just run faster. If I could just reach a little farther. I could see your face and we could laugh again.

Each morning, step out the door, like a ghost, into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white.
I did this to myself.
And I plan on fixing it myself. Give me a chance to give you something to believe in. I'll run.
Run away.
And find my place.
This is MY time.

It's Almost Like A Disease

Sit and wait. A fool for life. I can't shake you off. No matter how much time goes through my years, it's still the knife that keeps me bleeding. Even when you make it clear I'll never be what you are to me. I still can't seem to just turn away. You're eyes keep me lost in my own world.
My mind stays in an ever spinning state of confusion. A lost soul, in a world of self-glorying actions, I always keep mine to some how catch your attention. Though it never seems successful, I'll never stop trying to catch your eye. I only remember when I had you're thoughts to hold, now remaining in their place is the ice cold of loneliness. And I fear
I know
This is how it will remain, for the rest of my days. I'll move but I'll never move on. I was easy to leave, but you'll always have me.
You left my heart on the sidewalk of a broken street. I can't take it back, because I won't. You'll be over this, I'll lay underneath it's grave. Why?
I don't know.
I just....
Don't know...

Kissing You Goodbye

I'm sliding slightly farther from you, but your warmth can still sting the tiny corners of my mind. I choose to look you in the eyes, but you'll never look through mine. I can't explain it enough. You're just not the same anymore.

You were beautiful. I don't know where that died, but the blood is on your hands now, I'm washing myself clean of this mess. You've left me wandering into a room I never knew. Hoping I would lose my way, you clearly don't know me well enough. I can find my place again, a new name you'll never find one quite like mine. But I'll walk away, like you've won this game. Because in a way....
You did.

I let you tear me down, shatter my very heart, my hair, my eyes, they have no light. Or rather, no...
Shadows.
I gave myself to you, in ever sense of a word, and what in return? I asked for nothing. And that's exactly what you gave me. In a silent state, I'll remember your name, but that ring, that sound, that music, it doesn't play anymore. Not like it did then. In such a short time, in such a long life, you've twisted the rope one too many times, and now I'm breaking free.

You knew all the tricks that no one could find. But Karma is a love that's been on my side. She soars close to my soul, beside me, but I'll never wish it upon you.
No.

I'll build myself strong this time. I won't let you cry, still to this day and on. I'll never let you fall, although you only laughed as I burned. I'll never show you the pain I've felt. So for the last time.
I'm kissing you
Goodbye.

"You almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
you almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it

a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the

inside
so I could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you

trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
Nicer than that."