Yesterday Laughs, Tomorrow Cries

I brought them all with me. Most of them knew, others wondered. We walked a long road, down a street no one knew, in a town no one lived. A place where the wind laughed, cackled, the trees reached up to the sky with the hands of skeletons long sense forgotten. The fear of of some created a mist, cold and lonely, lined with the stories of their families. Stay close, it's easy to get lost in here.
The ghosts won't hurt you, don't be afraid of them. They are just a sign we're getting close. They like to see all the new faces, in a town where no one visits. Can you blame them? Everyone gets lonely sometimes. They just stay that way, unlike you, who can find any hand to hold. The air is cold here, it's a given. It never warms, it never rains, it never snows. Just stuck in a weather in between. The moon starts to melt without the sun, but don't cry for her, she's had her glory years. Now she's just lighting the way.
They brought no clothes, no backpacks, no books, or cell phones. They only brought their lies, their lives, and the guilt they carry in the left pocket of their warm jackets. They knew they would need something warm for this destination is long, and barely frozen. Keep walking, we're almost home.
These kids lost their way, never knew which way to go. So I wander in the darkest hour to lead them all to Death's door. Don't be sad, that's where they belong, they left this life a long time ago. But in their journey to peace of mind, they got lost in Death's Town, it's not hard. So many empty houses, looking welcoming to a weary traveler. Ghosts longing for attention from anyone. "Let's play a game!" and before you know it, the road is gone.
For years I've wandered these streets to bring the forgotten to the home they now belong. The father at the door, dressed warm and calm, greats them in almost a loving way. People never see him in the right light, but in the glow of the shrinking moon, I see the relief on the lost's faces as their father brings them in, out of the frozen, into peace. And I'll head back home.
Why do this?
Because everyone deserves a place to call HOME.

The Hung Jury

The punchline? She had a baby; That's why the bed was covered in blood. No murder in sight. She gave birth to a girl, much like herself. Only more appealing, less threatening. Wrapped in a blanket to keep out the cold hearted, the scared and lonely. Hidden from her true self. She left this child, herself in your hands, and vanished into the wind, never to be seen again. Now no one will ever know who she really was.
But she made one mistake. The bed was stained where she brought to life her new found smile. It was a fake smile, but all around loved it enough to never question. But in that room, I found the truth, She left it untouched. Maybe she wanted someone to find it. Someone to see what she's done. Maybe to be found herself? I don't know. I can't seem to find her. Only this child of fantasy. A beautiful, bright as the sun, girl. But even the sun goes down at night.
The moon can bring out the damned and slain. And in the light of the stars, the wind whispers. In it's voice I can hear her cry. I can see her tears. But she never wants the world to know. Not again. Not ever again. But I know. And I'll find her. Bring her back to life.
For now, with all her "friends" as the jury, they find the verdict; Not Guilty. Although it's a lie, a charade. They only see the life that was brought out of a fairytale. When honestly
It's the death that rings the world silent. She left and no one ever notice.
But I did. I can feel her. I don't believe in this....imaginary child of the day. I believe in the beautiful sight of the woman of the shadows. And I will find her.
As the case goes cold, I'll follow the night to find her eyes. I'll never give up. She is a part of me.
And I'll never let her go. Not without a fight.

The Mirror

A quiet night, I felt a wind. There before me was Mother Earth, to show me, where we’re supposed to be. She gave to me a long, beautiful mirror, with a shine like I’ve never seen. She said to me, this mirror will hold all true forms, the hidden self inside the world, so that I may see you in your natural form. I looked into this mirror and only saw my reflection, nothing different.
I wasn’t meant to see my true self, for I was to find it in myself.
No one was to see this mirror but me, a gift, I suppose.

I dragged this mirror behind me, to meet the ones I loved. I came to my wolf, a beautiful, strong and willful warrior I’ve known for years. Looking as strong and tall as ever, proud and only the sun could match her brilliance. I glanced in the mirror, and I saw not a wolf. But a puppy, cold and lonely. Scared and searching. Left out in the cold, almost as if forgotten by the world. Longing for someone close. But to everyone around her, she’s a powerful wolf, strong and fierce. Always the one to run to, but don’t get too close, she can bite if you’re not careful. But the mirror never lies.

Up walked a tiny mouse, one I’ve grown quite fond of. Sweet, calm, and easy to love. A heart bigger than the sky. A look her eye that instantly cools the hottest temper. But when I look into the mirror, I saw not a mouse, but gray wolf, standing guarded, ready for the deadliest storm. A protector, I could tell, for it’s stance said nothing friendly to those who threaten. But to everyone around her, she’s cute, she’s giving, such a tranquil soul, that little mouse. But the mirror never lies.

I walked away, stunned and confused., when I came across a friend, one that I used to love so much. She still held a place in my heart. She has a warm smile, always laughing, seemed to shine brighter than the stars themselves. I was hesitant this time, but I gave a look in the mirror and saw….nothing but black. A horrid being, angry and full of hate, a heart I’m sure it lacked. With a Joker’s grin and eyes of empty space, it filled the mirror with hate. But to everyone around her, she seemed so happy, so willing to love and hold your hand, hold your heart so close. But the mirror never lies.

Shocked and ready for my own, I begged for Mother Earth’s spirit to let everyone see it. I had to know, where my soul was leading, what I had hidden. I couldn’t stand it. I pulled the mirror to everyone I knew, not a single one would tell me, what they saw as my reflection. Not a single one. They all looked away, walked away, as if to forget this ever happened at all.
I knew one person though. My wolf, my sister in heart and soul. She would let me know. I rushed to her side and pleaded for her to tell me. She gazed into the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. "What?" I cried. She looked at me, with those sad, lonely puppy eyes, and simply said;
"You’re just a ghost."

"And the earth and its skin will open up and birth out a perfect mirror that makes all our reflections clear."

Even The Cold Air Can't Bring Me Back

It's starting to freeze outside
All the summer heat has steamed away
The clouds roll in, the heaters kick on
You'll pull out every sweater you own
But I won't be home

Cookies are to be made, the trees set up
Holiday lights, parades, cheers
Family members all gather, just this once
But I won't be there

This year, when the moon shines with chilling winds
I'm going for a long walk, just me
I don't know when I'll be back, but you'll do fine without me
Yearly routines will run just as smoothly
But it's not right anymore

You remember the time when you found out
That Santa Claus wasn't real after all
And all the magic of that month
Vanished like a snowflake in the wind
I felt it again

I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm just not there anymore
I'll keep away and let you have your day
And be excited to hear all about it
All the laughs, all the gifts, all the lights
But I'll just sit this one out

I lost my magic, my spirit is wounded
The red and green are just pigments to me
Though the cool air calms me, brings me back to better days
It's just not the same, I'll spend it alone
Because no matter how hard I try
I can still feel it inside
I just have no reason to hide
That my Christmas
Has died
But I'm okay
Just not today

Three AM

The clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days. I just stare intently, because if I take a second to look away, another year flashes past me. I remember the days when I worried not the time, the year, I could walk beside it. But now I just can't keep up. If I watch closely, the clock will never move, and I can sit here next to you. Seems like we both play this waiting game.

Your eyes tell me a different story. Where there used to be lines and lines of days well spent, i see a vacancy. I see a lost child trying to find her way home. The streets you used to walk so proudly down you now rest upon a bench.
Waiting.
I don't know what you're waiting for, but I fear I may lose you. If I don't follow close, you'll wander away. just like the day. Maybe it's me. Maybe I just can't keep up with anything anymore. I'm just...
Tired.
Worn thin. I shouldn't be. And all I ever wanted was to be set free, but I think if you opened the cage, I would just sink into the ground and rot away. Like a rose in the dead of winter, I never stood a chance.

As I watch you waiting, I wonder what you're thinking. When all along, I've always known. I wish I could carry you to a place where you can smile again, but those wings I'm just not ready to give you yet.
Please stay a little longer. We don't have to talk, just let me sit beside you. For just a little while longer.

Frozen Creek Makes Me Think Of You

Upon a pebble driveway
There sits a house
And it’s the loneliest place
I haven't spent much time there,
It wasn't allowed,
It just didn't feel right

‘Cause it’s all built upon a burial ground,
It just doesn't feel right,
It just doesn’t feel right

On top the frozen creek,
I would love to take you there
And swear it flows through me
On top the frozen creek

If I open both of my eyes,
I still see an empty space, so empty
But if I keep them closed
Then there's still a chance that something is out there

‘Cause it’s all built upon a burial ground,
It just doesn't feel right
It just doesn’t feel right

On top the frozen creek,
I would love to take you there
And swear it flows through me
On top the frozen creek

I made a promise to you long ago
I’d do the best that I can
I’d try and keep it
I made a promise to you long ago
That I’d do anything to keep this home

On top the frozen creek,
I would love to take you there
And swear it flows through me
On top of the frozen creek

I would love to take you there

(not written by me, it's a song. I miss you Grammy.)

We Run Out Of Things To Say

It's been a long year, and we sit in silence. I dream of what the years to come will bring me, but for now, we watch the sky in our world. It's like by this time, we just don't have anything to say anymore. The stories tend to run shorter, the days more relaxed. Time for sleep is now. The year brought rough waters, treading through the rain, mud-slick roads, tripping along the way. Many times never even wanting to get off the bottom. Always seems like you had barely enough to breathe.
Now, as we lay together, we are alone. Hold tight to the stars above us. There's nothing left to sing. The music stops, leaving time to reflect. The winter nights bring an odd sense of peace to the world. We wonder all the things that went wrong, they don't matter anymore. When it seemed so stressful, damaged, I pick up the pieces of my puzzle and begin to place them, one by one, back to where they should be. I may have lost a few on the way, but I can manage without a corner piece. The puzzle still shines it's own beauty.
Dust the books off, and remember. Remember all the reason you took that rocky road. All the reasons it was worth falling apart. With eyes wide, you can see the blue of the sky. Where was it hiding? Maybe you just didn't look hard enough before. Maybe this time around, you'll remember to look up and realize you're not the only one with a broken heart. Remember to smile, instead of hiding so much.

There was a girl I knew. She never knew the blackest days. She chose to leave them behind for a better way. She took her broken clock and set it to a time where the sun was always shining. Even in the rain, she always knew where to find the warmth. She had a light that never dimmed. In the darkest hour, I could feel she still kept that time when she knew it would turn out ok. And in the end....it kind of did. Never had a reason to shout, except for in joy. Never had a reason to cry, she left those tears. Back in the years she spent in solitude, lost and confused.
Now that it's time to reflect, maybe this time....it's time to leave the dead, cold nights to my memories. And learn how to set my heart free. I'll always have a dark side. But that dark side smiles just as bright as the moon, know that, honestly
It'll all be ok. No matter how many times you fall. If you get back up, you always have a chance to shine again.
Let's keep it quiet for now. Enjoy the end of one chapter. Just remember not to forget,
This time...
Sing it like you mean it.

A Twisted Noise

Just bodies. And all I see are zombies. Dead, empty souls, walking around me. None of them have a light to spare. But they all have a spark. Something that keeps me close, interested in their life. Yet, they're not alive. Just a walking waste of time.
With too much time to spare, we don't have enough to explain it all. Just give me a short response, like on a middle school essay. A swift reason way, you don't sleep at night. You cover up the sky, you refuse to be behind. In the distance, you'll realize, you were left behind a long time ago. Alone in a crowded room, packed with the lost days of everyone, you'll cry alone. It's kind of funny how we all cry with you, yet you'll never notice. Why?
You're a dead, vacant soul.Cursed to pretend that you own the warmth of a human being. But you should know, none of us seem to have a soul anymore. I don't know where they go. Maybe there's a place, just outside of Texas, where no one knows, no one goes, where the souls of all the world's children run and hide from the woes.
Let's keep it simple. In my eyes, it's all like a piano. With a little help, some of the notes seem to ring in harmony for hours, even days. But once left alone for too long, they'll never sound the same. Twisted, aching noise, no longer worthy of an ear. And you'll just let it fade. It's been a long hard day, it's time to rest. And once again, that light will be forgotten.

We all want to be remembered. In trying so hard, we make ourselves so forgettable. Almost desperate. Borderline reject. I'm still waiting. I have been for most of my life. Waiting for the sun to rise and spill rays of light into this black tunnel. Waiting for the day, when we can pull that cloud back and see how beautiful the sky has been. And how selfish we have been, to hide such a light, just so we could shine a little more.
Instead of worrying if the zombies around us are listening, maybe we should just let ourselves ring, loud and beautiful. Someone with a heart will hear you, and from then on...
You'll never be alone.
But that's just a theory.

Once Apon A Day

You're having a relapse. And I feel this time you will not let me save you. Truth is, I don't have the heart to do it anymore. If you're willing to drop me like an old picture, just to play in the past that destroyed you, I guess this is our farewell. I wasn't in your life back then, for a reason. Life knew. It's time to move forward and you're only running back to what killed your light the first time. I can't help you, I can't hold you, if you're in a place where I don't exist.
I'll be here, if you're willing to come back. But for this moment, you refuse to live in the now. You strive in the then. But don't you remember? It was then that everything crashed, burned to the ground. Why bring it back to life....to watch it burn again?
I'm afraid this time, you're pushing me too far away. I can't feel you anymore, I can't hear your voice anymore. You're running from me, and I'm not one to chase. If you wish to run, I'll let you be. Just know that there was a reason I wasn't in your life then
If you bring that time back
Why would I be in it now?
You're breaking me heart, but I'll let you be. Maybe someday you'll remember me.

A Different Road

It's all that's really real. Only the theories, but they can't make it alone. It's easier to give it all away, quit for another day. But where does that end? Where does real life begin? When you open your eyes when there's nowhere else to go. You'll know. You have to open up to shutting down to know when to reboot. No one is going to smile for you, not this time. It's goodbye and no one's here for the farewell party. Say goodnight, pack your tears, stack your fears, walk away. Nothing can ever stay the same. Always wanting more. Try a different road. I know. I'm scared too.

Two Days

It's been two days. Since she walked away. Without another sound, she turned away. In my dreams, I see her face, I see all the things I've missed, the things I'll never take back. She deserves this.
She broke my mind, shattered on the bathroom floor I watch them shine in the moon light. Like tiny little daggers, swimming in an ocean of greed and envy. I'm a selfish soul. I'll admit it to anyone. I'm always looking for a way to make myself smile. But the truth is...
These pieces on the floor, they burn a hole in my heart, showing me that all I really loved was watching her smile. Watching her laugh. Now she's gone, a empty walking soul stuck on this earth. Everyone around us seems to think she's still here, but I know. I watched her walk away. Leave the night to the heartbroken and lonely. Now she lives among the shadows, hidden in the moon, and I'd give anything to hold her again.
How selfish I must be. To bring her back to this Hell just for me to smile again? For me to love again? I couldn't. Not even I am that cruel. She deserves this. To never worry again, to never cry again, I can feel her in the wind.
With my tattered heart and shattered mind, I'll smile to the sky and never forget who brought me to my knees. Only you could. Only I know.
It's been two days.
Since you walked away.
I'll never love the same, but I'll smile for you. The way you did for me.
Love was over-rated anyway.

This Place Is A Bloodbath

Face covered in blood, I watched as she moved. She was slow, haunting strides that seemed to sing a shallow tune. Her eyes kept well hidden beneath her hair, beneath her breath. She's just like the rest of us. Searching for a face, arms to hold her tight. But not a soul will touch her, not in this light. The spotlight is singing, there's no where else to run. Torn and bleeding, her time with us is done. It's a waste. She was a pretty face. A well-known name. The sky seemed to praise her every day. She smiled, she wore strength on her sleeve. Yet now she's broken down, all her dreams quietly pooling at her knees. She can't walk, she can't scream, she won't cry, barely weeps. And as I stare I wonder where she thought she'd end up tonight. Clearly not the center of attention as the clock finally hits midnight.
It was all a game. It was all just for fun. But no one is laughing now. No one cares enough to even speak. But what would you say to her? "It's going to be okay"? Not even God could promise her, her fate wasn't in vein.
I twisted my arms around her, heard the gasps as if I held a demon. I felt her curl into me, felt her last, aching breaths against me. And with a final fight to kill a breakdown, I whispered back;
I love you too.

Faith Makes Everybody Scared

You see, I know you don't know. But it keeps you hanging on. A mystery you'll never figure out. Because if you had nothing to search for....what do you have?
While you search for the light, I search for what matters. In the spaces between, where it seems nothing matters. Call it a lost cause, but I could say the same to you. It easy to see the when the light blinds half of what's there. You' ll never have to worry. But you'll find me with my sunglasses, settled calmly upon my nose, to keep what obvious from blocking what's underneath. I keep my eyes down, but not for the reasons you think. I'm searching, just like you. The only difference; I don;t believe what I can't feel. I can't take your word, as I would expect you to not take mine. Look for yourself.
But in that same sense, I can't spend my days looking to the sky and wishing on the clouds for a better place. Because it's here, you just have to look for it. If it's not hard to work for, it's not something I'll waste me time on. If you never give me a reason to want to punch you, you never gave me a reason to believe you care.
A strange thought process, maybe, but it works for me. IN those tiny shadows, the crying faces, I can find the brightest souls, the warmest hearts, they're just scared of what you'll gun will say if they open up to shine. Because the light they hold, if a light the sky will never know.

Why do I think this? I pay attention. To your voice, to your smiles, to your tears and screams, I hear your soul. If you're smiling all the time, you've got something to hide. Let it out. Are you afraid that some thousand-year-old biblical being won't like what you have to give? Take a chance. But, Faith makes everybody scared. I know there's no need to run. But there's a lot of silent cries in the night I can feel of the captured and scared that just don't know anymore. If I could hold your hand, hold you breath in my mind, you'll see what means the most to me. True happiness. A love that all you need is a glance, an embrace, something you can feel.

Maybe this is all just a ramble, non-sense, but it's where I find my life. I watch the way we all live, I smile at the hearts that make people cry, I scream at those who use others pain to make their ego grow, but then again.....
We all use others pain to help ourselves. Faith
Makes everybody
....lost.

I'm Sorry, I Forgot

There was a dusty, old box. Untouched for years. Buried in the back of my mind, where I could forget it's place. Exiled from my heart, left for the wind to cherish. I forgot it's letters, it's pictures, it's names, I left it alone and I felt safe.
I picked this box up off the floor, blew the dust away, and opened what I know I've missed. Inside lay pictures of you. Of me and you. Letters we wrote, memories we've shared, promises we made. At first I was angry, I threw all the pictures, scattered about the attic of my mind, settled in the spiderwebs that capture all my dreams. But as I sit all, I glance around at all the smiles staring back at me. How perfect the light hit your golden eyes. How sweet the sky looks above us. I can almost feel the breeze of all the days, all the walks, all the perfect times that were erased.
The bittersweet crash of a love I'll never hold. But why would I ever bury them away? You were my light, you were my love, you were the energy that kept my alive. The difference now? I let it fade away.
You're still my love, my life and heart, my soul, my sun, and I promise you this;
These pictures will never fade, these smile will shine through my face. I'll never forget.
I'll no longer regret.
I love you. And I'll smile again. This time; big enough to brighten Heaven.

A Beautiful....Lie

You can fake it if you want to, but we can all see right through you. And now we're walking away, because you asked us to. Not with words, but with your eyes. You denied the life. The light of love, and truth. But you're preaching to the choir. I've danced with death for years now. I know the games, I know the lies. You're not fooling anyone but yourself

Yet I'm back to where I always start. For a "fresh start" for the 100th time. In a house, surrounded by love, but all alone. I'm never alone, I drowned myself in music, let it take the breath from my voice and give me new meaning, because I never know where I want to start. So I just run, even if it means I have to turn back. I never run far, I always get scared. But not tonight.
(I'm only lying...you taught me how.)
I'm a missing piece, traveling the realms of beyond the mind, fishing for a chance that I surly will not take. Why? I still don't know. If you can't seem to understand me, it's because you don't know me. And neither do I. So here it is;
I'm just a ghost.
I've said it before, and I talk about these "ghosts" a lot. I write their stories, I watch them at night, I live to feel them fly. Who are they? Who I MUST be. I feel I'll never find where I should be inside. But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying.
Unlike you, I will never give up my voice. I'll always make this noise, it is my destination;
To Be Heard.

You? You only wish...to be forgotten. So in turn?
You're the ghost.

The Blackest Hole

I understand people change, but don't miss out on this chance. You have to find yourself, and that's exactly where you'll find me. I'd survive with or without you, but what would that prove? Nothing. I just want to see you smile, like you used to.

You try so hard to build the darkest room, in the darkest house, and dwell on the darkest hour. You might spend a day in the light, but you'll always race back to the blackest hole, where you mourn the loss of something you've never had.
But why? I can't seem to understand your reason. I've spent time in the darkness, but I always come back to the brightest smile. It feels amazing to laugh, to love the life you walk, it's everything you try not to be. Happy? Is that what you fear away from? Please help me understand.
I've been mad, I've cried for you, I've tried for you, but you hide from me. Is this where we'll always be? I want to help you, I want to love you, I want to see you smile. But what's the point? What are you trying to prove?

Someday you'll see there's no reason to fear me, to hide from my. All I want to do
Is make you smile.
How horrible I must be.

I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is....

If it's you for you and I for I, then one of us is gonna leave here blind. I guess I'm trying to find the words to say that maybe... I'm tired

Hey Friend, Concider Me Dead

It's just a waste. A game I've forgotten how to play. The rules don't make sense to me anymore, to be ignored, what's the point? I'd rather watch you fall. Especially if you think I'm going down with you. I stand tall, for once I know where I stand, where I'll land, run around and you'll soon find out, you're alone this time.

When did I make it so clear that I'm a fool? That I'm your walking stick, a crutch for your lies and mistakes you so cherish to make? Life can be beautiful, when you don't make a point to paint it all back to when the sun would never shine, the rain would keep you crying. It's time to pass. If you wish to come with me, drop the act.
Don't think I'll ever forget, I gave you that chance to make a plan to forget this mess, but you chose to keep up the story and explore me, just to see how far I'll let you destroy me. Oh, not anymore.
To you, I'm just a ghost.
Consider me dead.
I won't hold your hand.
I won't be a part of this plan.
When you decide you're alright with a mask and all the glory, I'll be long gone, so to you, my friend, consider me dead.
And I'll return the favor.

The Years, They Were A Waste

There's a beautiful light. It only shines if you see it just right, day and night, you can't hide it. it's written on your face. Painted in your smile, encoded in your laugh. It's impossible to hide, then again...you wouldn't want to. You'll climb to the top of your lungs to tell the world, tell the sad faces, all the loners, all the doubters, look at me. Shine with me. It doesn't get better than life. Perfect like the ocean shore at sunset. You sit and watch the night. As perfect as a summer rose. But every rose begins to wilt when summer falls.
Maybe it's a phone call, maybe it's a face, a voice, anything. Something. As a sounds bleeds from your ears, your heart begins to race. It's not right. Something must be mislead to believe such a sight could pull away the smile you fought so hard to keep. Though a painted smile can last, a tattooed shot to the heart will never wash away.
Just a day, just one word, took that world you screamed to, sharing your perfection, strikes a streak of lightening to break it all down.
One
Shot.

Straight to the heart. Now it seems the winter nights will never melt, never feel right. How do you find a way to laugh when the lights keep you hidden, keep you crying, but wait
You can't even cry anymore. You get to the day where it all just blends to one shade, one constant note, a sour taste that keeps you sick. Like the sunset never came, like the never ending rain, hate, a beauty you never knew about, you find so friendly. This dark, bleak feeling. You find disgust in the thought of dancing in the wind, you sit and find the death in flat sounds that others fear to love. It's all you have. As good as it gets.

A bright flash takes you back to, "Where did it go?", back to the top of your lungs you scream, in pure agony, until you voice gives out and so do your eyes. You can't find the light. But you vaguely remember that it was there. It was....what's the word? Can you even remember? It was only a week ago, a year? Or has it been longer? Time has left you in the dust...or rather...you stay in the shadows as it passes with the sunlight. You live in twilight. And you feel okay with it. But why? When it all felt so right, could it all feel so wrong, so fast. And how do I get back?

These Miles Have Torn Us Worlds Apart

It seems a waste. A waiting game leaves me misplaced. It seems like a normal day, the sun it blinds, voices ring in my ears, but all can fade away, for just a day. If I wake up, I'll survive another moment, but if I stay, in my dreams I can feel you here. A beauty only your eyes can bring to my world. Even if just for a day. But how long can I dream when I know reality screams for my mind to realize, I'm just living, never smiling, never seeing the colors that I was meant to hear. The sound of the pastel blue of the autumn skies where I can remember holding your hand. The pansy lined the street, the rain washed away the clay and stacks of gravel we kicked to the wind. The the milky silence of all the stars as they lit our way to moonlight, they all seem perfect as the reflect in you eyes. But in the morning, I know I'll see none of the same. It fades to gray, the rain, it keeps my wondering, wherever you are, that's my place.
There's a heart that beats so far away, and I'll wait for a day when your smile is painted next to mine, keeping my heart whole, full of warmth, the grass never seemed greener then where your steps match mine. Yet every time, I know it's time for yet another goodbye, I'll watch you leave, watch you wave and smile like it's all okay. But when your sight leaves mine, the puzzle held so close in my chest will lie unfinished.
Until then, I'll keep dreaming, wondering, if it'll always be this way. For just a day. I feel perfect. For a year of unfinished laughs, it's always worth it.
So I'll wait.
So far away, I'm standing underneath the stars and always I know there's something missing. When I glance to the empty air around me, I always remind myself
Just one more day.

Flight

She catches the starlight in her eyes
She's the last of this kind
Captured deep within her beating heart
The dawn of something new, a fresh start

No one else sees the beauty she sees
Plucking flowers for the graves of the non-believers dreams
She can see the lights of all the days to come
While everyone waits to heed the storm

It's sure to come, we've been told
From the young, to the old, we know what's in store
Right?
We do
Right?
Oh how eloquently blind
It's time to take the night
A flight at midnight
And just....enjoy the sight

The Missing Piece(Not A Death Wish)

Whispers behind a smoking gun
If you listen close, you'll hear them run
They aren't scared, they just don't know what to do
Just breathe, once, twice, GO

A passing glance means nothing to a daughter
But the son knows where she finds her father
You can't see it unless you listen close
To the voices that fade, she's just a ghost

She looks alive, she smells like summer air
You can watch the sun write stories in her hair
But in her chest beats an empty, hallow scream
With a bullet and a thought, she counts
One
Two
Three

We're All Just Ghosts

Do you walk or run? Scream or cry? Laugh or live? A perfect question for everyone who never knew. It's not like they ever cared anyway. A Ghosts is someone losr, someone waiting to be found. but how can I find you if you're always moving around? Can't stay in this place, they may start to wonder, start to listen, we can't let this happen.

She used to be so beautiful. Now in my dreams, she's never alive. She's always dying. Always crying. Someone I don't know, don't remember. It's not her. She's just a ghost, who's haunted me for years. I never wish her away, I never see her face, but I always feel her pain. All I wish is to hold her hand. But she's so mad. Her anger keeps her far away. I used to just smile and it would bring the sun to her face. But a smile is just an excuse not to cry. I wonder why. I can't just see her. One
Last
Time

Ghosts...

And as always, innocent like roller coasters. Fatality is like ghosts in snow and you have no idea what you're up against
because I've seen what they look like. Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading......

She Turns To Stone

She holds her heart in her left pocket, in pieces it remains, safely locked away. All she knows, is all she has, the rest has yet to come. She wonders, she regrets, yet don't we all? She pushes her mind away to keep it from losing itself. It's broken but it's still ticking. Like an old clock, never wanting to die...except on some days when it's just to hard to move. Her imagination flies, all alone, she turns to stone, while others begin to see; she's not the same as me. I'm still me. Just a smarter, stronger, me.

Before my vocabulary runs clear, let me just say, that I love you. I don't know you, but I do love you. In the many forms of love I know the difference of how each feels. Yet, no one believes me; Oh! She's naive! Let them think what they will. My pre-calculated charm will soon run low.

I planned to pick for you a rose, but now I just pass them all by, trying not to look. Would your gaze find horror at the thoughts that I've become? Would you still see the same little girl you've always loved? Or would you see what they all see; a cold-hearted fool, wandering aimlessly. I'm not aimless. I just don't know where I'm aiming yet. I'm still practicing. So, this is as close as I'll ever get; for you I'll kiss each rose I see and keep wishing I could give it to you, as you shine down upon me in daylight, and sparkle with me in the night. I miss you. I always will. And I'm sorry we never had that picnic. Next time I won't wait so long.....next time.

Do me a favor, don't let this moment pass.

Romeo and Not So Juliet

What is Romeo never fought for Juliet? Just left her waiting on the balcony, wishing upon the midnight stars. Would love still have the same meaning? Would fairy tales still be the same in the eyes of all the worlds little princesses? Left in the cold, where Juliet spent each night crying over what could have been. Or would she rage in anger of what she wasted? Maybe she wouldn't even mind, like a dream, just passed her by.

What is Cinderella never went to the ball? Never wished upon those same midnight stars? Who really thought a star could grant a wish anyway? They just shine in the velvet, holding the lonely as the weep for freedom. A star is just a friend. So you're never really alone. Do you wish upon your friends? Sounds kind of odd now, doesn't it?

What is Romeo never loved Juliet? She'd feel an awful lot like I do. Bitter and wondering if it'll ever feel the same.

Random thoughts for the day

Bruised and broken, fallen and falling. Keep an ear open for the song of the desperate. It's soft and sweet, it'll get you every time. With a tear in your eye, you'll forget and walk by, wave a hand and say goodnight, with the moon by your side.

Speak without a reference, and feel acceptance. A lost lesson that no one seems to remember. Keep pace, and learn to fall back. Relax, and you'll see how hard you can work it out. Smile, and feel the way it should be. Honest and gentle. Bright and shinning. Keep an eye open for a sign of something beautiful.

She's A Perfect Lie

She dances like the sweetest melody
She burns like a bitter tragedy
Keeps you fooled with honest eyes
Among the shadows of the deepest lies
But you cry
And won't deny
Her love is your lullaby

A dream, awake, can't quite make
In perfect bliss your hands start to shake
Watching her move, her every gliding move
The moon and you
Watching her voice capture you
But you cry
And you won't deny
You life is in her eyes

Lust, not quite, love, not close
But her heart is what you long for most
By her side, it all seems alright
As the days begin to blend with the nights
But you cry
Every time
You can't deny
She's just a lie

11:12

Let's take a second to write the advise of where the wind blows. Let it tell it's secrets. Know just when to speak, know when to admit defeat, and know when to rage in victory. Know a smile when it makes one, know a tear when it catches one. We'd all be a little more sane if we thought the same. But we all tell a different story, a different name, face, place, curse, blessing, different confusions, but the wind always knows. Just when to carry you home.

I remember laying on my back staring at the bright blue of the day, the wind spoke my name, kept my fears away. It scattered tiny leaves all over the picnic table, blew smoke in every direction, to keep a distraction. It's like it know if I stopped to think, I'd lose my mind. It was funny how every day that week was the same; bright, sunny, never rain, always the wind to speak my name. It was cold. But welcomed chills caused much needed hugs, more needs for love. More excuses to where a hat that, to me, held all my memories.

I remember that night. As I lay with my mother, brushing her hair as she faded to sleep, finally. It was ever so peaceful. Though that day was when we lost an angel, the air was so peaceful. Perfect, one might say. The wind kept the sorrow away. But when it rained, it was a different day. Like all of heaven cried with us. Though that would comfort some, I'd really wished she wouldn't cry. As I'm sure she wished we wouldn't cry. Maybe I should listen to the wind again, find my way back home. Maybe it can carry her voice to me, though I know; She's never coming home. The clock on the wall has been stuck at 7:30 for years, as I stare to wait to match my tears, just one tick. One click, and life can move one. But that wind doesn't hold me anymore.

But it can't reach my when I'm hiding. I'll meet you again, my friend, as Autumn sets in. For the third time. Without my friend. I'll make it more. I'll see 7:31.

I'll be just fine. With my hat, my sunglasses, my hoodie, my piano, and the wind. That's all I need.

But that piano is another story...another day.

I'm Just A Ghost

I watched the smoke dancing, twisting around the air. Perfect picture of a tradgic end. It'll fade away, like a ghost in snow. Never seen, never heard, felt and wisked away. I beautiful dance, no one sees, but it's practiced daily. I wish I could move so eliquently, in sweet mourning or a rainy day. But, alas, I sit and watch the smoke, flying away from me, where I should be; Flying away from me.

I'll swollow my love, try hard not to speak, as I walk away from all the sadness I've spent so much time building. So much effort, and I'll just walk away. A morning I've waited for, a mourning I've longed for. Never have I ever wanted to cry as I left all I've known, but I'm ready now. To be a ghost. To vanish into the wind, after one last, beautiful dance, to leave everyone with a lovely memory. A memory of me, the way I used to be. Not this blackhole I have become.

She's got a smile that lights up my world, and I'll give anything, everything, just to hold her. She's got a voice that sings the perfect song, my song, one I've longed to hear. She's got a heart of gold, intentions bold, opinions known. She's strong and knows when to cry, knows when to let go, knows when to hold on. She's my life. And I'm reaching out, to hold nothing in my hands.

Memories

I'll wrap these sheets in plastic

Keep them safe, it may be drastic

But the sent of you still lays there

With all my memories, still stays there

I'll keep them in this tight locked box

And never forget, so maybe they forgot

I hold you close, upon my chest

Wherever now that you may rest

I'll place this box upon a shelf

Far away, too close to myself

No one sees, no one remembers

But I can always feel her

Struck by moonlight

It's time like now I think I've got a problem. It's called a fuck it problem. I just....don't....care.

It's when you realize she's never coming home, and you think...why am I still here?
It's when you realize half your life is a lie, and you think...let's go find the truth.
It's when you realize the "let's" never really involved an "us"....and you wonder where all this loneliness came from.
It's when you realize nothing else matters....and that's that. Nothing matters.

I used to wish I could see her face, touch her skin, hold her and never let go. But in thinking this, I've really let you go more than I thought. I never meant to hurt you, but look at me now. I'm a queen of let down. I didn't let anyone down but myself.

It's when you realize, you need to make you happy and no one else.

I walked alone for the first time in over a year. I picked up a rock and held it close to my chest. Why? I don't know. I need to fly. I need to see the lights, the faces, the towns no one has heard of. By my side will be my thought of you. A memory is just a photograph, waiting for a picture frame. All I've done is let the picture get dusty and then I threw it away. I lost a lot of myself that day. A lot that I'll never get back.

It's when you realize who you were, isn't who you are....you need to find a new face.

Growing doesn't have to mean dying but that's all I'm doing here. I sleep, I wake, I eat, I sleep. I'm waiting...for nothing. I'd love to say, "Well not any more! World, here I come!" but I know that's a load of bullshit. I'll sit and do the same thing tomorrow.

It's when you realize, .................nothing at all........that's when you know.

I dream of a pretty smile, one that I'll never see, never hold, never love again. That smile holds my heart, and I refuse to take it back. I'll walk the world aimlessly until I find a place to relax.

It's when you realize...all this time you never wanted to be alone....it's all you ever wanted. To be on your own.

I'll miss you forever, but I'd never want to curse you with this hellish place.


ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Free Falling

A story unfolds as the rays hit the floor, melting away the tiny drops left by withering stars. Keep your eyes shut, it won't be true, if you're never awake. But the twist has yet to come. Unfolding as you stumble along in a world you don't belong. You never did. Or maybe you just forced yourself to think that way. It's easy to explain what's wrong with the world when it's never your fault.Which, in turn, ... makes it your fault. But I'm just the narrator. Feel free to stop me when you can't feel anymore. When the moon regains it's rightful place in your heart, to bring on the rain. Each night a little colder than the last.

But this is my story. I'll write the ending. You're just a character that I can cut out at any time. "Kill off", if you will. But I could never. Could I? You hold the little pieces of my heart, tightly wrapped in a velvet bag, beneath your pillow. If you're gone, who's there to keep them warm? The breeze would simply carry them away, to the ocean, to the shore. "Nevermore"

There was a boy here before, long before I wrote you in. My story was much different then. The night, it brought on my life, my blood pumped so fast, in the beauty of the shadows. But as the nights faded away, dusk failed to keep her name, the sun stole away, all that I had made. Never again, will I love that way. Not because I can't. Because I won't. I'm happy that way.

But happy is a blind word, is it not? Are you happy? I could write you new line, make it seem like you're alright, but deep inside you'll still cry. I can't change the tears, only their path. And when the ending comes, the finishing touch, I'll lay alone, like how it starts in ever movie, ever book, waiting for the hook that never came. I'll fade away, in vein, into the night sky, into the stars, away from myself.

And that's how it

Always

Ends



Only this time...the light can only flood the floor to drown an empty soul.

Things Have Changed For Me

But that's ok. I'm changing mentally, emotionally. But I think i need to. I'm so tired of who I am, so bored of what I do. I want to LIVE. Not rot. I'm losing a lot of people, but I guess this is growing up. What can ya do? Keep walking. You'll find your way eventually.



I think I'll start sewing again. Stay to myself until I can get my life together. Then worry about having other people in it. I've always tried to save people....but I've come to realize, all the people in my life that I've tried to save, I haven't done a damn thing for them. Because I can't. They would never listen. And that left me feeling like I was at fault.

I know now I wasn't at all. I just can't save people. I'll stick to making people smile. i seem to be good at that. I'll stick to not trying so hard, and smiling myself.

Things have changed for me, but that's ok, I feel the same, I'm on my way.

Losing Interest

I'm getting bored with movies. I don't know if it's just me, or if movies just suck lately. I can't keep my attention on a movie. I just get...bored.

I do too much thinking and not enough doing. I want to be a model. The more I think about it, the more I think I'd be good at it...until I look at my face. Then that all changes. Ew. I need to do something about it, but alas, cannot.

I'm getting ansy. Time to do something memorable. I don't know what. But it needs to happen.

Stay tuned.