Struck by moonlight

It's time like now I think I've got a problem. It's called a fuck it problem. I just....don't....care.

It's when you realize she's never coming home, and you think...why am I still here?
It's when you realize half your life is a lie, and you think...let's go find the truth.
It's when you realize the "let's" never really involved an "us"....and you wonder where all this loneliness came from.
It's when you realize nothing else matters....and that's that. Nothing matters.

I used to wish I could see her face, touch her skin, hold her and never let go. But in thinking this, I've really let you go more than I thought. I never meant to hurt you, but look at me now. I'm a queen of let down. I didn't let anyone down but myself.

It's when you realize, you need to make you happy and no one else.

I walked alone for the first time in over a year. I picked up a rock and held it close to my chest. Why? I don't know. I need to fly. I need to see the lights, the faces, the towns no one has heard of. By my side will be my thought of you. A memory is just a photograph, waiting for a picture frame. All I've done is let the picture get dusty and then I threw it away. I lost a lot of myself that day. A lot that I'll never get back.

It's when you realize who you were, isn't who you are....you need to find a new face.

Growing doesn't have to mean dying but that's all I'm doing here. I sleep, I wake, I eat, I sleep. I'm waiting...for nothing. I'd love to say, "Well not any more! World, here I come!" but I know that's a load of bullshit. I'll sit and do the same thing tomorrow.

It's when you realize, .................nothing at all........that's when you know.

I dream of a pretty smile, one that I'll never see, never hold, never love again. That smile holds my heart, and I refuse to take it back. I'll walk the world aimlessly until I find a place to relax.

It's when you realize...all this time you never wanted to be alone....it's all you ever wanted. To be on your own.

I'll miss you forever, but I'd never want to curse you with this hellish place.


ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Free Falling

A story unfolds as the rays hit the floor, melting away the tiny drops left by withering stars. Keep your eyes shut, it won't be true, if you're never awake. But the twist has yet to come. Unfolding as you stumble along in a world you don't belong. You never did. Or maybe you just forced yourself to think that way. It's easy to explain what's wrong with the world when it's never your fault.Which, in turn, ... makes it your fault. But I'm just the narrator. Feel free to stop me when you can't feel anymore. When the moon regains it's rightful place in your heart, to bring on the rain. Each night a little colder than the last.

But this is my story. I'll write the ending. You're just a character that I can cut out at any time. "Kill off", if you will. But I could never. Could I? You hold the little pieces of my heart, tightly wrapped in a velvet bag, beneath your pillow. If you're gone, who's there to keep them warm? The breeze would simply carry them away, to the ocean, to the shore. "Nevermore"

There was a boy here before, long before I wrote you in. My story was much different then. The night, it brought on my life, my blood pumped so fast, in the beauty of the shadows. But as the nights faded away, dusk failed to keep her name, the sun stole away, all that I had made. Never again, will I love that way. Not because I can't. Because I won't. I'm happy that way.

But happy is a blind word, is it not? Are you happy? I could write you new line, make it seem like you're alright, but deep inside you'll still cry. I can't change the tears, only their path. And when the ending comes, the finishing touch, I'll lay alone, like how it starts in ever movie, ever book, waiting for the hook that never came. I'll fade away, in vein, into the night sky, into the stars, away from myself.

And that's how it

Always

Ends



Only this time...the light can only flood the floor to drown an empty soul.