Have you ever just played some music, closed your eyes, and let the song capture you? The notes spinning softly around your body, lifting you into the night sky, away from everything. I only wanted to feel wanted. I only wanted to be known, not forgotten. Now I've gotten myself into a sick place and I can't find the exit. So if you could please point me to the door, I'll just be on my way. Although, I know you couldn't even if you wanted to.
I fear only myself in this life. I am all that holds me from all I dream of, all I wish for. Wishes are for the children watching sappy Disney movies. As I've grown, I wish no more, I have to make it happen myself. And yet...I don't. I blame no one but my own thoughts. Selfish as I may be at times, I'm good at hiding it from my loved ones.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I think of you. What would it be like to go to sleep every night, not knowing if your eyes would open to daylight, or the light of God welcoming you to a place unknown? You were so strong. I know you didn't sleep well. I could hear it from my resting place on the tiny couch right outside your bedroom door. I heard the sounds of pain, but if it fell silent, it hurt so much more. A fear I realize rather quickly. Yet, you never forced yourself to be awake in the nights. You always dreamt, and you always held onto your wishes.
I wish you were here, so I could ask you, I could understand so much more. You could help me. I could help you. Even though we all know how helpless I am. Hopeless and fallen. And I've been lying here for far too long, please pick me up. Carry me somewhere; Anywhere. But you'll never be mine. not again. I had my chance. for 20 years. And I did nothing.
I only wanted to be something, be someone, now I fear I'm just a ghost, waking every night from what seems to be my certain death, I can't see if I'm alive or just stuck here to watch the world spin around. Am I a ghost? It's harder and harder to tell.
I really can't breath without you, for if I do try, I drown. I want to be in love with my soul. And I am. I have so much to show. But I get so lost in my thoughts, in my constant confusion that I forget to tell you, forget to show you; Therefore forgotten I should be.
I can say it a million times, in a million different ways, but I'll never truly believe that I can show the world my star. The one I carry in my pocket waiting to shine and blind the world with so much beauty. I have it. I do. I just forget to show it to you. A ghost doesn't need a star. But I'm not dead yet, I promise you. I think I'm alive. Right? You wouldn't know me if I were not...right?
I must be dead, surly there was no way to pull through such things.
It's just a dream, Doctor Benzedrine, like your name, a dream is something everyone longs for, a night full of rest. But it's the rest I dread. I just want to sleep, without the confusion.
Hold me (Don't touch me, please.) Stay the night and lay with me. (If you're there, you might kill me. Don't stay. Please go.) Be there while I weep. (I don't cry anymore. he says I'm not aloud to cry.....he's not real....but I still fear. Let's fake a smile instead.)
"I'm about to lose my mind. I need a doctor, call me a doctor, to bring me back to life."
I fear only myself in this life. I am all that holds me from all I dream of, all I wish for. Wishes are for the children watching sappy Disney movies. As I've grown, I wish no more, I have to make it happen myself. And yet...I don't. I blame no one but my own thoughts. Selfish as I may be at times, I'm good at hiding it from my loved ones.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, I think of you. What would it be like to go to sleep every night, not knowing if your eyes would open to daylight, or the light of God welcoming you to a place unknown? You were so strong. I know you didn't sleep well. I could hear it from my resting place on the tiny couch right outside your bedroom door. I heard the sounds of pain, but if it fell silent, it hurt so much more. A fear I realize rather quickly. Yet, you never forced yourself to be awake in the nights. You always dreamt, and you always held onto your wishes.
I wish you were here, so I could ask you, I could understand so much more. You could help me. I could help you. Even though we all know how helpless I am. Hopeless and fallen. And I've been lying here for far too long, please pick me up. Carry me somewhere; Anywhere. But you'll never be mine. not again. I had my chance. for 20 years. And I did nothing.
I only wanted to be something, be someone, now I fear I'm just a ghost, waking every night from what seems to be my certain death, I can't see if I'm alive or just stuck here to watch the world spin around. Am I a ghost? It's harder and harder to tell.
I really can't breath without you, for if I do try, I drown. I want to be in love with my soul. And I am. I have so much to show. But I get so lost in my thoughts, in my constant confusion that I forget to tell you, forget to show you; Therefore forgotten I should be.
I can say it a million times, in a million different ways, but I'll never truly believe that I can show the world my star. The one I carry in my pocket waiting to shine and blind the world with so much beauty. I have it. I do. I just forget to show it to you. A ghost doesn't need a star. But I'm not dead yet, I promise you. I think I'm alive. Right? You wouldn't know me if I were not...right?
I must be dead, surly there was no way to pull through such things.
It's just a dream, Doctor Benzedrine, like your name, a dream is something everyone longs for, a night full of rest. But it's the rest I dread. I just want to sleep, without the confusion.
Hold me (Don't touch me, please.) Stay the night and lay with me. (If you're there, you might kill me. Don't stay. Please go.) Be there while I weep. (I don't cry anymore. he says I'm not aloud to cry.....he's not real....but I still fear. Let's fake a smile instead.)
"I'm about to lose my mind. I need a doctor, call me a doctor, to bring me back to life."
1 comments:
She knew you were there...but use her strength as an inspiration...and let your star shine so everyone can see it like she did and i do
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